What better gift could you give to yourself or a loved one than the gift of consciousness? We are all familiar with the basic ideas surrounding this phenomenon, but few people think of it as something they can practice on a daily basis. In the most basic sense, this word refers to our awareness. It encompasses our own mind, our environment and our knowledge about the relationship we have to others. However, it is also a skill and a way of seeing the world. Some traditions have referred to it as “mindfulness” to distinguish it from ordinary forms of awareness. What is it and what can it do for us? Let’s explore the subject more deeply.

What Does Consciousness Bring Us in Life?

Consciousness, in this sense, is a form of consistent awareness of how we relate ourselves to one another. It is a recognition not only of the interdependence between individuals, co-workers, teams, and organizations, but also our understanding that we can work to improve these relationships. At work, this leads to high efficiency and productivity predicated upon mutual respect. Our respect for others and what they have to offer causes them to reciprocate and give us greater opportunities to contribute. A very similar effect is felt when one seeks to improve and enhance relationships using mindful thought. Others will recognize the love that we feel and wish to express. They will respond in a cooperative way that leads each person toward mutual goals.

How Does It Work?

It is easy to fall into the trap of believing that what we perceive is the whole of reality. However, you can improve and enhance your relationships in many wonderful ways by recognizing that there is a vast difference between each person’s perception. You can question others in a curious way, and do so with love and without judgment. It is difficult to change others’ minds forcefully through challenging them. Instead, focus on respect and love for their perspective and understand that some aspects of their perception can also illuminate you. Remember, you are not required to keep someone in your life with whom you do not feel a connection. Share the experiences you can, strive earnestly to learn, and move on when it is time to do so.

What Are the Benefits of Consciousness?

Would you like to enhance your relationships in this way beginning right now? Once you get started, you will easily find that devoting yourself to this kind of thinking builds your ability to make meaningful, effective decisions. Too often, we allow ourselves to go on “automatic” and end up responding to others in an unhelpful or self-serving way. We may not intend to do so, but our automatic responses are typically those most rooted in survival expectations. We have the ability to transcend this programming to receive the benefits of using our complete mind. When we do so, we strengthen our connection to others. In the workplace, this can come in the form of improving employee engagement and cultivating a true sense of dedication to an organization’s success.

Mindful thought can invigorate and energize you both personally and professionally. Although it may begin in our minds, the way that we show this mindfulness to others is through conscious acts of love and devotion. Modeling this way of relating to the world will make your workplace a haven for creative and innovative approaches to problems. It will encourage people to go further and work harder to realize their full potential. Likewise, it will help those around you invest in their personal relationships and transcend “survival” to create a more purposeful life. 

For most people, variety is truly the spice of life. Change and Happiness seem related and many people complain of boredom and burnout because they do the same things again and again. Changing your life, even slightly, can go a long way to making you happier. After all, life is change, and change is inevitable. Knowing how to make change work for you is a valuable key to happiness. What about signing up for a class, exploring new interests, meeting new people, and pursuing your passion? Set a goal and make it happen!

Anticipation, at first, may seem contradictory to “being in the moment,” something that’s often thought of as being essential for happiness. After all, how can we be in the here and now when we’re thinking about the future? There’s a line in the song “Anticipation” by Carly Simon – “We can never know about the days to come, but we think about them anyway…” That’s true for almost everyone – but the way that you think about future events is what separates those who are unreasonably happy.

The anticipation of a future enjoyable event produces anabolic thoughts and feelings, and just knowing something exciting is going to happen can help us experience more happiness. Often, the anticipation is even more enjoyable than the event. It’s important to have things to look forward to, be they events or goals, as we can experience the anticipation in the present moment.

Worry about a future event produces catabolic thoughts and feelings – even if the dreaded outcome never comes to pass. When you worry, you also experience anticipation in the present moment – but that anticipation is draining and distracting. How much happier could you be if you let go of worry?

Another aspect of “appreciating anticipation” is expectation. When you expect, you’re making a judgment about something occurring in a particular way – you’re attached to the outcome. Anticipating what is to come, while letting go of the expectation of exactly how it will come, is what allows you to be in the here and now while anticipating the future.

You can be unreasonably happy by trying new things, and looking forward, without judgment or expectation to what is to come.

Why not try it for this month?

How many of you did experience the stress or the frustration of being a people pleaser?

How many times did you take on your plate more than you can handle to help others or your organization?

Elizabeth Grace Saunders is a time coach, the founder of Real Life E Time Coaching & Training, and the author of  “The 3 Secrets to Effective Time Investment: How to Achieve More Success With Less Stress. “

She wrote an interesting article “Stop Being a People-Pleaser“.

Most of us don’t even realize what makes us so angry, so overwhelmed. Helping, serving and contributing are an attribute we all want to exhibit because it makes us feel good and belong to a group or an organization. And let’s be honest, we want to be liked and loved as well.

Elizabeth evokes 3 scenarios which occur in a work environment:

The Unrealistic Standards Scenario

The “Yes!” Man or Woman Scenario

The “I’ll Just Do It Myself” Scenario

I truly believe that the “guilt” factor is the most common for people pleaser. It is nor good nor bad. It just is. In many cultures we are taught to please our parents, to please our friends, and to assist our organization. We don’t want to look overly selfish, we want to be liked or loved. This leads us to neglect ourselves without even realizing it. Giving and pleasing is meaningful and healthy if we can as well give and please ourselves. 

Finding balance requires self awareness about our own needs.
It takes awareness, emotional intelligence and open communication to overcome the stress caused by the people pleaser “syndrome”. 

With awareness, we can determine how to respond to the requests of others in a way that will create comfort for us and for other as well.
As a people pleaser, there is nothing more difficult to handle than a situation you volunteered for and that you resent unconsciously while doing it. You feel you have to please and to give and you overload yourself and then feel overwhelmed with the many things you have already on your plate.

Have you ever thought that by saying “Yes” to others it might mean saying “No” to YOU?

Next time you are requested or you want to volunteer for a task, question yourself:
-If you want to say “Yes”, who are you saying “Yes” to? Yourself? Someone else? or both?
-If you want to say “No” and feel guilty about it, think about the fact that by saying “No” to someone, you are saying “Yes” to yourself. 

Being aware provides you tremendous opportunities to acknowledge how you feel, and to respond consciously to any situation. By understanding how you feel and what makes you feel that way, you honor yourself and the person you want to serve or to help. You find yourself empowered to create a positive intention and a commitment to a task or a person with your heart and with your brain. Remember this person may be YOU.

As Elizabeth mentioned it in one of her comments, the next step to overcome the challenge of  being  a “people pleaser” is to communicate and express clearly the change in your behavior to create a win-win situation.
Expressing to your spouse or your manager your motives will greatly improve your relationships. When others know the way you operate, it will bring understanding and dialogue. It may look like this:
-“When I answer “Yes” I am fully committed to the person or the task I say “Yes” to. I create positive energy and bring fulfillment
-When at some point I say “No”, I do not say “No” to you, I say “Yes” to me. You may be benefit for me to say “No” since it means I will honor a commitment to another project or a personal need. I create positive energy and fulfillment as well.”

If you feel held back or stuck and you want to explore further this topic, please feel free to contact us 

The Big 4 energy blocks: Limiting beliefs, Assumptions, Interpretations and Fear (called as well Inner Critic, Gremlin, Saboteur) keep you stuck and prevent you from achieving what you want to in your life. We’ve already explored limiting beliefs and assumptions. This month, let’s look at the third energy leadership block, interpretations. When you interpret something, you create an opinion about an event, situation, or experience. In essence, you create an explanation and then look for evidence to support its validity. When you make an interpretation, you don’t even see that other explanations exist. In actuality, though, an interpretation often represents only one viewpoint among the many that are possible.

Your interpretations hold a strong energetic charge, which affects your emotions and actions. If you believe your viewpoint of a particular situation is the only explanation, you might not be aware of another point of view. You may end up wasting a lot of time and resources marching off in the wrong direction. Because you don’t see that other possibilities exist, you remain stuck in your story, and feel like you have no control over the outcome.

So let’s say you come home into work one day, and your boss barely nods hello, and then goes into his office and closes the door. If you think that your boss acted that way because he is angry with you, you might spend the morning wondering what you did to get him mad, and you might be hesitant to approach him with the great idea you’d come up with on the way in to work.

As with assumptions, interpretations are personal and are somewhat difficult to let go of and challenge. Holding onto them may seem like the easy way out, as facing them may move you into uncharted territory. However, challenging your interpretations opens you up to a world of possibilities, literally.

Typical interpretations may sound like this:

“He doesn’t like me.”
“She thinks I’m incompetent.”
“They don’t want to follow orders.”
“My son is just not interested in doing his homework.”

Interpretations can be directly challenged by asking: “What’s another way to look at that?” or “What would be my son, wife, coworker perspective on this?” Just realizing that there are other ways to look at something lessens the power of your interpretation. One way to do this is to imagine what another individual’s perspective of the situation might be. Asking for someone else’s point of view on a difficult situation (even if they are not directly involved) can break existing paradigms and open pathways for more successful solutions. Challenging yourself or others to argue the point of view directly opposite your interpretation also works remarkably well to arrive at new information, new angles, and new paths to success.

In the example of the boss above, perhaps the reason why he barely acknowledged you was that he just received a disturbing phone call about a family member, or he had a deadline that had to be met – or…….well, there are many possible explanations. What an opportunity you’d miss if you decided not to present your great idea based on your false interpretation.

This month, before you “jump to conclusions” and believe the first story you create in your mind based on your own filters and your thoughts, consider other possibilities that could lead you to new, empowering choices and actions.Les grands 4 blocs qui génèrent de l’énergie négative et du stress sont : les croyances limitatives, les suppositions, les interprétations et la Peur (aussi appelée la critique intérieure, Gremlin ou saboteur) vous maintiennent dans le statuquo et vous empêchent de réaliser ce que vous souhaitez dans la vie. Nous avons déjà exploré les croyances limitatives et les suppositions dans notre version en anglais. Ce mois-ci, explorons un troisième bloc d’énergie négative générée par nos interprétations.

Quand nous interprétons, nous créons une opinion au sujet d’un événement, d’une situation, ou d’une expérience. Essentiellement, nous créons une explication et puis recherchons la preuve pour soutenir sa validité. Lorsque nous faisons une interprétation, Nous ne sommes pas à même de voir que d’autres explications existent. Dans la réalité, une interprétation représente souvent seulement un point de vue parmi les nombreux qui sont possibles. Nos interprétations contiennent une charge énergique forte, qui affecte nos émotions et actions. Si nous pensons que notre point de vue d’une situation particulière est la seule explication, nous n’envisagerons pas la possibilité d’une autre réalité due à un autre point de vue. Nous perdrons notre temps et dépenserons beaucoup d’énergie parfois en orientant notre esprit dans une mauvaise direction. La plupart du temps, nous sommes convaincus de l’histoire que nous nous sommes racontée et nous avons l’impression que notre interprétation est la réalité.

Prenons un exemple, un matin au travail votre responsable ou votre directeur ne vous adresse pas la parole puis entre dans son bureau et ferme la porte. Si vous pensez que votre patron a agi de cette façon parce qu’il est insatisfait de votre travail ou que c’est un malotru. Vous vous faites une opinion, cela crée un stress et vous allez certainement réagir négativement intérieurement (dialogue interne : pour qui se prend-il ? Qu’ai-je fait pour mériter ce traitement ce matin ? Il est totalement lunatique…) et extérieurement (en répondant froidement à sa prochaine demande, en l’ignorant le reste de la journée….). Alors qu’en fait, votre patron a seulement eu un coup de téléphone important de son médecin lui annonçant une mauvaise nouvelle et était simplement distrait par celle-ci. Comme avec les suppositions, les interprétations sont personnelles et sont quelque peu difficiles à lâcher prise et à challenger. S’en tenir à elles pour prendre des décisions ou passer à l’action est la facilité et une habitude, il est cependant important de questionner nos interprétations car cela vous ouvre un monde de possibilités et d’opportunités littéralement insoupçonnées.

Les interprétations typiques peuvent ressembler à ceci :

“Il ne m’aime pas.”
“Elle pense que je suis incompétent.”
“Ils ne veulent pas suivre des ordres. ”
“Mon fils n’est pas intéressé par son travail.”
Des interprétations peuvent être directement challengées en vous demandant :
« Quelle peut être une autre façon de regarder cette situation ? » ou,

« Quelle serait la perspective de mon fils, de mon épouse, de mon meilleur sur cette situation? »

Prendre conscience qu’’il y a d’autres façons de percevoir la réalité réduit l’intensité de votre interprétation. Imaginer ce qu’est la perspective d’un autre individu de la situation aide grandement. Demander à quelqu’un d’autre son point de vue sur une situation difficile (même si ils ne sont pas directement impliqués) peut casser des paradigmes existants et ouvrir des voies de relations et une communication différentes et épanouissantes.

Le questionnement de nos interprétations aide également remarquablement à évaluer objectivement une situation, à explorer de nouvelles perspectives, et de nouvelles voies vers le succès.

Quelles opportunités manquez-vous chaque jour en vous basant sur vos interprétations ?

Durant les prochains jours et prochaines semaines, avant que vous « sautiez aux conclusions » et croyiez la première histoire que vous créez dans votre esprit basé sur vos propres filtres et vos pensées, considérez les autres possibilités qui pourraient vous mener à de nouvelles conclusions, réduire votre stress et vous permettre de faire des choix objectifs et conscients.

Situations arise everyday, but we can approach them consciously and solve a conflict easily.

“I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.” – Unknown

Situations of conflict occurs for many reason among them:
-Argument because you want to have it your way while the other wants to have it his way as well
-Someone who refuses to listen to your opinion is perceived as an opponent.
-Someone who tells that your idea is wrong or not realistic.
In any of this situation you may find yourself getting upset, frustrated or withdrawn. Therefore you set yourself in conflict mode. Often disagreement is (mis)interpreted as opposition.

How true is it you are in conflict? How much does it cost you or your organization?

We are seeing the reality from our own perspective: what may be true for us may not be for another individual or community. Many examples come to mind at a team, community or even a nation level. Conflicts arise everywhere and in any situation not because people are right or wrong but because of the diversity of perspectives. These perspectives, which are only perceptions of the reality based on filters such as beliefs, education, religion, etc…, lead us to feel separated from one another and to conclude that if we don’t agree, we automatically are in conflict.
How true is the statement “I am in conflict with my husband or with my boss “at the time you make it? Are you really in conflict with the person you have in mind at this moment reading this article? It costs you hours of stress, talking about it and arguing about it. In the case of a working team, it can loosen up the ties between its members, leading to misunderstandings or even sabotage for non-cooperative behaviors.

Basically, what happen when we have an idea is that we are very excited to share it and to have it validated by others. When it doesn’t happen or if we are told that we are wrong or that our opinion or idea is not valuable or valid, we feel judged, excluded from the group. We become angry, frustrated and distant. In the case of an employee, it impacts engagement and productivity levels.
Anything that comes up from feeling separated from the group may generate a conflict. Most of the time, there is no intention to create this type of situation. A small event, a word can trigger an emotion and a reaction that will develop into animosity.
How much do you do find yourself feeling separated or in conflict with someone who has a different opinion than yours? How did this person meet your needs to be acknowledged and validated? What is your responsibility in this situation? How did you meet your “opponent’s needs” for the exact same acknowledgement and validation? In other words, how much do you listen, acknowledge and validate prior to present your point of view or opinion?

To solve a conflict and reconcile your team or improve your relationship, apply the followings:

Step 1: Identify and clarify the issue.
Step: 2: Evaluate the impact on you, on the other person, on the team, on the organization today and in the future if the situation remains the same.
Step 3: Reassess the reality of the situation by asking yourself how true your opinion is compared to others who have different background and filters. How would you like others to respond to you when they find themselves having another reality?
Step 4: Tackle the real issue, the one that is at the core of this conflict. How much was your ego in the way? How much did you contribute to the current situation?
Step 5: Engage in a respectful and responsible conversation with the other party by expressing yourself using “I” and “we” to explain your perspective, don’t blame by using “you.” Example “I felt I was not fair with your statement and that we have a misunderstanding…” instead of “Your statement made no sense, how anyone could agree with it …” Words can be hurtful, so choose your words consciously and select the one that you would like to hear from someone else in the same situation
Step 6: Be curious and genuine about what the other party will express. LISTEN – STAY SILENT
Step7: Experience each situation from a new perspective
This process will empower you and the other party while enriching your relationship. Reflect on the outcome you would like to happen. Envision it and review it prior to go through with it
Next time you find yourself in such a conflict or separation with someone, remember that diversity of opinions generates creativity and innovative solution. Ask yourself what you could build with 2 different ideas and how richer you could become. You could even come up with a third one, one that would satisfy not only you, but also a diversity of people.

I wish you all a fantastic week!
Situations de conflit :

-Conflit dû à une confrontation à votre opinion qui est forcément la bonne.
-Conflit dû à un individu rejetant votre idée ou opinion comme erronée ou irréaliste. De ce fait vous êtes agacé, frustré ou gêné.
-Conflit dû au fait que si votre opinion est vraie l’opinion de votre adversaire et forcément fausse. Nous voyons la réalité avec notre propre perspective : ce qui peut être vrai pour nous ne peut pas être pour un individu ou une communauté différent.

Beaucoup d’exemples de conflits viennent à l’esprit au sein d’un couple, d’une équipe, d’une communauté ou même au niveau d’une nation. Les conflits surgissent partout et dans n’importe quelle situation non pas parce que les personnes ont raison ou tort mais plutôt en raison de la diversité des perspectives qui coexistent. Ces perspectives, qui sont seulement des perceptions de la réalité basées sur des filtres tels que nos croyances, l’éducation, la religion, etc…, nous mènent au sentiment de séparation les uns des autres. La triste conclusion est que si nous n’avons pas la même perception de la réalité, nous sommes automatiquement en conflit.

Pensez à une personne avec laquelle vous êtes en conflit actuellement. Maintenant posez vous la question de savoir quelle est la véracité de cette affirmation au moment où vous lisez cet article. Par exemple « je suis en conflit avec mon mari ou avec mon patron »

Cette pensée d’être en conflit nous coûte des heures de stress, de questions ou cris simplement en évoquant le sujet. Dans le cas d’une équipe dans le milieu professionnel les conflits mène à des malentendus ou même au sabotage par des comportements non coopératifs. Fondamentalement, ce qui se produit quand nous avons une idée et que nous sommes très enthousiastes, nous la partageons et nous souhaitons la voir respectée et évaluée par notre audience. Quand cela ne se produit pas ou si nous sommes confrontés au rejet pur et simple de notre avis ou idée, nous nous sentons jugés, exclus du groupe. Nous nous frustrons et nous renfermons.

Dans le cas d’un employé, cela affecte grandement son niveau d’engagement, de motivation et de performance.

Ce sentiment de séparation peut produire d’autre conflit s’il n’est pas adressé.

La majeure partie du temps, il n’y a aucune intention de créer ce type de situation. Un petit événement, un mot, peuvent déclencher une émotion et une réaction qui développeront une animosité.

Combien de fois vous êtes vous retrouver vous-même « séparé », « exclu » ou en conflit avec quelqu’un qui a une opinion différente que le vôtre ? Comment cette personne a-t-elle satisfait vos besoins d’être respecté et validé ? Quelle est votre responsabilité dans cette situation ? Comment avez-vous satisfait les besoins de votre opposant avec le même respect et la même validation ? En d’autres termes, quelle est la qualité de votre écoute, de votre respect et de la validation avant de présenter votre point de vue ou votre avis dans une discussion avec autrui ?

Pour résoudre le conflit et réconcilier votre équipe ou améliorer votre relation, appliquez le processus suivant :

Étape 1: Identifiez et clarifiez la situation.
Étape 2: Évaluez l’impact sur vous, sur la personne impliquée, sur l’équipe, sur l’organisation. Évaluez aussi la situation de façon linéaire : quel est l’impact aujourd’hui, quel sera l’impact à l’avenir si le conflit persiste ?
Étape 3: Réévaluez la réalité de la situation en vous demandant quelle est la validité de votre avis comparé à celui d’autres qui ont des systèmes de pensée et des filtres différents. Comment souhaiteriez vous que les autres réagissent lorsqu’ils ne partagent pas votre opinion ou contredise votre opinion ?
Étape 4: Abordez le vrai problème, celui qui est au cœur de ce conflit. Quelle est l’implication de votre égo dans cette situation ? Comment avez-vous contribué à la situation actuelle ?
Étape 5: Engagez vous dans une conversation respectueuse et responsable avec l’autre partie en vous exprimant employant « Je » et « Nous » pour expliquer votre perspective. Surtout ne blâmer pas votre interlocuteur en utilisant « Toi »ou « Vous ». L’utilisation de « Toi »ou « Vous » est accusateur et entraîne un comportement défensif. Par exemple dites « je n’ai pas été juste dans cette affaire en rejetant votre opinion et je souhaiterai corriger ce malentendu » au lieu de « votre opinion m’a semblé irréalisable ou inappropriée, il est bien normal que je n’y adhère pas mais je souhaite tout de même que nous rétablissions de bonnes relations… ». Les mots peuvent nuire et blesser, de ce fait choisissez vos mots consciemment et choisissez ceux que vous souhaiteriez entendre de quelqu’un d’autre dans de telles circonstances.
Étape 6: Soyez curieux et authentique avec votre interlocuteur lorsqu’il vous répondra. ÉCOUTEZ (ce qui veut dire RESTEZ SILENCIEUX)
Étape 7: Répondre à votre interlocuteur en étant conscient de votre réponse. Après avoir écoute attentivement et compris la perspective d votre interlocuteur vous comprenez qu’une autre perspective est possible. Cela vous encourage à vous remettre en question et à enrichir votre propre réflexion.
Ce processus vous permettra de rétablir des liens et d’enrichir votre relation. Réfléchissez aussi aux résultats que souhaitez obtenir. Envisagez-ces résultats et passez- les en revue avant d’avoir cette conversation.

Et la prochaine fois que vous sentez que une séparation durant un échange avec quelqu’un, souvenez vous que la diversité des avis produit de la créativité et l’innovation. Demandez-vous ce que vous pouvez développer et créer grâce à la richesse de plusieurs opinions.

Je vous souhaite une excellente journée!

After you have made the conscious decision to accept the transformation, you will feel at peace. Acceptance as a conscious decision gives you the opportunity to view the change as a positive and expand your perspectives. Your act of self leadership can open the door for other people to embrace the same positive energy. In an organization, you might see a merger as a chance to discover new clients or achieve a professional career path.

Acceptance helps you to become curious about a new way of living life where you are relaxed about the realities you experience. You are open to inevitability of new policies and adaptations. By adopting this state of mind, you can improve your mental health and creative mindset. New, creative thoughts are generated which can help your company to design innovative, new products. Instead of focusing on the negatives, you are able to focus on how you impact the lives of those around you. This improves the experience for your clients and enhances the positive energy for everyone in the workplace.

We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses. -Carl Jung

Susan Russo wrote in one of her article:

Accepting what happens to you in life isn’t always easy, but what is so easy about not accepting things? As a matter of fact, it’s a lot easier on yourself to learn how to accept things than it is to deal with the havoc the resistance wreaks in your life. You need to give yourself a good talking to. You need to let yourself know that even though things didn’t work out the way you wanted doesn’t mean they won’t down the road with someone or something else in your life. When you learn the Art of Acceptance you will be prepared to deal with life with grace and you can invite adversity in the next time it knocks at your door, because the sooner you let it in, the sooner it is going to leave. But by resisting it, you will only prolong the inevitable.

Set yourself free and embrace any situation without judgment.